Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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