If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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