2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
