The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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