I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
