dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
