she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
