i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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