I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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