were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
