what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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