Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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