she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
