i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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