I'd wear matching sweaters with you
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
