Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
