Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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