I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
