my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
