I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
