And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How naked do you want me to be?
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