I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
