does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
