My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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