Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
