I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
