see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
