Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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