I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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