Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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