She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I would fuck him just for his dog
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
