apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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