Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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