Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
