wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
