why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
