The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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