it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
