Your dad touched me again.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
