yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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