I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
