just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
