His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
