So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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