Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
