I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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