you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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