he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
