He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
