It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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