I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
