oh god the rape fog is back!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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